I am sleeping in my room at around 12.30 in the afternoon after a heavy lunch. I set the alarm to ring at 1.50 so that I'd be able to get up on time for a 2'o clock lecture which I couldn't afford to miss.
Suddenly, I wake up and look at my watch. It's 2.05. I change my clothes, take my bag and run out of my room. I cycle like a mad man and reach the classroom at 2.15. I enter the class, the professor glares at me and I take a seat.
And then I get up.
I look at my watch. It's 2.05. "Oh fuck! Oh! Fuck!" I change my clothes, take my bag and run out of my room. I cycle like a mad man and reach the classroom. I look at my watch. It's 2.15. I enter the class with the professor giving me a stern look. I take a seat.
It is an air-conditioned room. And I am sweating like I 'm being roasted. I'm scared. Really scared.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Boxed in ?
I was watching the second season of The Contender series on AXN. For those who don't know, it is a reality television series which follows a boxing tournament. I remember watching a few fights the last time around, too. The primary reason I was watching was that I was bored and had nothing else to do. But then, I do enjoy watching some of the fights.
Like everyone I like the fights where the contestants push themselves to the limit and just ram each other like crazy. The speed at which they land their punches and parry blows is just incredible. Besides, their footwork is something that is just too cool! It's just pure adrenaline. Being a TV show, the producers of the show try to introduce some drama into the whole thing by focusing on the fighters' activities before and after the match. A few emotional moments with their families (read kissing and hugging wives/girlfriends/fiancees and talking to kids), a few minutes where their coaches try to pump them up and all and interviews after the match and stuff like that. Obviously I don't care about all this drama bullshit. Give me the fights and I'll be happy. But then I'm not the one producing the show.
So, I was watching it and my father came by. He looked at it and made a statement. He said that boxing and similar sports are just totally unnecessary in the civilized world. As in he saw no sense in humans smashing up each other. I liked watching it and immediately wanted to counter it. But all I could say was a weak "It's also a sport, just like any other sport." Apart from that I just couldn't find anything. But then I thought about how every sport was just some kind of entertainment and most of it was actually quite pointless. Actually I just went into the whole 'life is pointless' routine. Yeah. I go into it quite often.
But then, in other sports you don't actually go and friggin bash up someone to win. Though I know that there are various techniques and strategies involved in boxing, it is about beating the shit out of the other guy and defending yourself while he tries to do the same, ultimately. The sport(?) has its roots some thousands of years ago. But back then, it was predominantly slaves fighting among themselves to gain the favour of their masters. It just evolved to the current form where everyone fights everyone.
I thought about the gladiators fighting to death in the huge roman arenas and amphitheatres with huge crowds cheering them on and the king watching them from his throne. It is interesting to notice that things haven't changed much at all in so many centuries. There is still a spectacular arena (god knows how many millions went into building them) with the boxing ring in the middle and a huge crowd of spectators. Only, people fight with padded gloves, headgear and other protective accesories. And it is not a duel to death.
We've made amazing progress in terms of technology, science and living standards. But then, the raw animal instincts and a few basic human traits like the will to establish our superiority over others, etc will never leave us. We have devised various means to suppress them to a large extent but they still exist. The basic gamut of emotions is still very much the same as it was a thousand years ago, I guess and it'll probably never change.
Like everyone I like the fights where the contestants push themselves to the limit and just ram each other like crazy. The speed at which they land their punches and parry blows is just incredible. Besides, their footwork is something that is just too cool! It's just pure adrenaline. Being a TV show, the producers of the show try to introduce some drama into the whole thing by focusing on the fighters' activities before and after the match. A few emotional moments with their families (read kissing and hugging wives/girlfriends/fiancees and talking to kids), a few minutes where their coaches try to pump them up and all and interviews after the match and stuff like that. Obviously I don't care about all this drama bullshit. Give me the fights and I'll be happy. But then I'm not the one producing the show.
So, I was watching it and my father came by. He looked at it and made a statement. He said that boxing and similar sports are just totally unnecessary in the civilized world. As in he saw no sense in humans smashing up each other. I liked watching it and immediately wanted to counter it. But all I could say was a weak "It's also a sport, just like any other sport." Apart from that I just couldn't find anything. But then I thought about how every sport was just some kind of entertainment and most of it was actually quite pointless. Actually I just went into the whole 'life is pointless' routine. Yeah. I go into it quite often.
But then, in other sports you don't actually go and friggin bash up someone to win. Though I know that there are various techniques and strategies involved in boxing, it is about beating the shit out of the other guy and defending yourself while he tries to do the same, ultimately. The sport(?) has its roots some thousands of years ago. But back then, it was predominantly slaves fighting among themselves to gain the favour of their masters. It just evolved to the current form where everyone fights everyone.
I thought about the gladiators fighting to death in the huge roman arenas and amphitheatres with huge crowds cheering them on and the king watching them from his throne. It is interesting to notice that things haven't changed much at all in so many centuries. There is still a spectacular arena (god knows how many millions went into building them) with the boxing ring in the middle and a huge crowd of spectators. Only, people fight with padded gloves, headgear and other protective accesories. And it is not a duel to death.
We've made amazing progress in terms of technology, science and living standards. But then, the raw animal instincts and a few basic human traits like the will to establish our superiority over others, etc will never leave us. We have devised various means to suppress them to a large extent but they still exist. The basic gamut of emotions is still very much the same as it was a thousand years ago, I guess and it'll probably never change.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Magic Moments
A lot has been said about how a few moments shape our lives and destiny. Over the last few years of my life I've witnessed a lot of events that reiterate this fact. The moment could occur anywhere. It may be in our own backyard or in front of millions of people. But it happens. And then things change. All in a matter of a few seconds.
There are times when you meet a new person and you're just having a conversation when suddenly both of you share a moment. It could be anything, a joke, a smile or that little fraction of a second when you meet the other's eyes. That moment tells both of you that you are going to hit it off well. Those few seconds could well be the foundation to a lifelong friendship.
Talking about friendship, let me move on to relationships. There is that moment, the inevitable moment which could break the beautiful relationship that has been going great since several years. You would probably do anything and everything to get one more chance but the moment is gone and what's lost is lost. And there are those amazing few seconds when you realise you've found the one for you, the person you want to live the rest of your life with.
The moment you know you've passed the hard exam, the few seconds after you've been selected in the job interview, the moment when you lose your head and do something that you'll regret for life, the fraction of a second that breaks a person's well established hard-earned trust in you, the moment when you fall for someone, that brilliant volley that tells you it's your day, the flash of brilliance after which nothing can stop you, the moments after you have won the world cup. They change everything. You are a new person after that. The world is a different place after that.
Yesterday I saw the world cup final between France and Italy. It was such an agony to watch Zinedine Zidane, the greatest football player of the last decade, known for his professional patience and calmness, do something utterly ridiculous and unnecessary, only to be sent off. The whole world was stunned. He would not be allowed to receive his silver medal after the last match of his illustrious career. It was the moment of sheer madness and frustration that took his exit from the international arena from the greatest heights of glory to utter disgrace. I was very disappointed. One question that came to my mind - Why Zizou? Why?
But then it's all about moments, those that make or break our lives. The few seconds that govern all the events that unfold after that. They're magic moments, indeed.
There are times when you meet a new person and you're just having a conversation when suddenly both of you share a moment. It could be anything, a joke, a smile or that little fraction of a second when you meet the other's eyes. That moment tells both of you that you are going to hit it off well. Those few seconds could well be the foundation to a lifelong friendship.
Talking about friendship, let me move on to relationships. There is that moment, the inevitable moment which could break the beautiful relationship that has been going great since several years. You would probably do anything and everything to get one more chance but the moment is gone and what's lost is lost. And there are those amazing few seconds when you realise you've found the one for you, the person you want to live the rest of your life with.
The moment you know you've passed the hard exam, the few seconds after you've been selected in the job interview, the moment when you lose your head and do something that you'll regret for life, the fraction of a second that breaks a person's well established hard-earned trust in you, the moment when you fall for someone, that brilliant volley that tells you it's your day, the flash of brilliance after which nothing can stop you, the moments after you have won the world cup. They change everything. You are a new person after that. The world is a different place after that.
Yesterday I saw the world cup final between France and Italy. It was such an agony to watch Zinedine Zidane, the greatest football player of the last decade, known for his professional patience and calmness, do something utterly ridiculous and unnecessary, only to be sent off. The whole world was stunned. He would not be allowed to receive his silver medal after the last match of his illustrious career. It was the moment of sheer madness and frustration that took his exit from the international arena from the greatest heights of glory to utter disgrace. I was very disappointed. One question that came to my mind - Why Zizou? Why?
But then it's all about moments, those that make or break our lives. The few seconds that govern all the events that unfold after that. They're magic moments, indeed.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
The outsider
I was sitting in the balcony of my house letting my mind drift away in no particular direction. I just kept thinking.
The other day, I'd just finished the weekly room-cleaning routine when my close friend Rohan came over. He looked extremely happy and excited. He gave a cursory look over my room and deemed it spotless. I smiled. I mean. All that effort put in had to pay off. Nobody could deny that. Then he said "I have some awesome news dude and you're the was the first person I'm telling it to." I was curious. Naturally. So I asked, "What is it?" He replied "I got the job man! They are paying me 7 lakhs! " It was the job he'd always wanted. The Citibank dream-job. I thought of what to tell him. I mean. I've got to tell him something. I am expected to feel overjoyed. I don't know. Perhaps he'd want me to jump with joy or hug him or something. But there I was, feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. I smiled, shrugged and let out a little laugh. That was how I reacted when I didn't know how to react to something. With that I did what I was expected to do. I congratulated him, did the usual pat on the shoulder and hug routine, and put on the cloak. The cloak of happiness. In the hyper-excited state that he was in, I hoped he didn't notice all this. He went on and gave me all the details about his job and all and I was just laughing sheepishly and nodding now and then. Then he left.
I kept thinking about what had happened and I remembered something else. An incident that had happened a couple of years back.
I was in my room watching TV and I heard someone come into my room. It was my friend Amit. He walked in slowly, his head tilted low and it was as if it was a great effort for him to even walk. He looked like somebody had died. Really. I said, " Hey what's up man? Why do you look like somebody died?" and laughed. And he just burst into tears. I was baffled. I mean. What the hell did I do? He said "My sister. She was killed in an accident an hour back." Oh my! That just threw me totally off guard. I had to feel something atleast now. I must probably feel guilty about saying what I had. I was trying so hard to feel something. But then I just ended up shrugging and I almost let out that little laugh. Would you believe it! I was about to laugh after hearing that my friend's sister had just died. Immediately, I tried to bring a sympathetic or emphatetic or whatever expression on my face and consoled him saying " I'm sorry. Really. It must be really hard on you. I hope your parents are ok." I mean. I didn't really know what I should be saying. Then I hugged him and asked him to be strong and something and he left. I still didn't feel anything. I went back to watching TV. I was supposed to be sad and solemn and all. It was weird.
Then I remembered many more such occasions.
Like the other day when my friend came rushing into my room to show some nice piece he'd written. I read it and just smiled and laughed and gave him a few words of appreciation. Oh well. It must have been something like 'Nice piece dude' or ' Hey good. Keep writing' or maybe ' Oh cool! When did you write it?... Oh I see' or something. I'm sure he felt a little disappointed.
Take this for another instance. I had come back to college after a month long vacation and met all my friends. They were so happy they jumped and hugged each other and I could see the genuine happiness. I was smiling, the vague smile which I put on to show that I was also happy, as I was being hugged by everyone.
On an other day my sister was in tears after failing to get through and exam she had prepared for almost two years. I was just standing there not knowing what to feel or make of it, smiling vaguely. God knows why I was smiling at such a moment. But that was exactly what I was doing.
Even on the day my girlfriend broke up with me, all I could manage was the vague smile and laugh. I still remember her saying that I was always like that and that I'd never really loved her. It was like I was just watching myself stand like a rock in front of my girl who was going through an emotional roller-coaster.
I asked myself what sort of a guy I was. I mean, really. I'm sure one could discover more emotions on a stone than on my face. Had I lost the ability to feel or something?! Why was I like this? Am I some vague floating entity in this world where people are alive and feel stuff?! It was like I just didn't have those parts of my brain in place. The parts that make one feel stuff. I should feel bad about not being able to feel! Surely.
I just shrugged and laughed.
The other day, I'd just finished the weekly room-cleaning routine when my close friend Rohan came over. He looked extremely happy and excited. He gave a cursory look over my room and deemed it spotless. I smiled. I mean. All that effort put in had to pay off. Nobody could deny that. Then he said "I have some awesome news dude and you're the was the first person I'm telling it to." I was curious. Naturally. So I asked, "What is it?" He replied "I got the job man! They are paying me 7 lakhs! " It was the job he'd always wanted. The Citibank dream-job. I thought of what to tell him. I mean. I've got to tell him something. I am expected to feel overjoyed. I don't know. Perhaps he'd want me to jump with joy or hug him or something. But there I was, feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. I smiled, shrugged and let out a little laugh. That was how I reacted when I didn't know how to react to something. With that I did what I was expected to do. I congratulated him, did the usual pat on the shoulder and hug routine, and put on the cloak. The cloak of happiness. In the hyper-excited state that he was in, I hoped he didn't notice all this. He went on and gave me all the details about his job and all and I was just laughing sheepishly and nodding now and then. Then he left.
I kept thinking about what had happened and I remembered something else. An incident that had happened a couple of years back.
I was in my room watching TV and I heard someone come into my room. It was my friend Amit. He walked in slowly, his head tilted low and it was as if it was a great effort for him to even walk. He looked like somebody had died. Really. I said, " Hey what's up man? Why do you look like somebody died?" and laughed. And he just burst into tears. I was baffled. I mean. What the hell did I do? He said "My sister. She was killed in an accident an hour back." Oh my! That just threw me totally off guard. I had to feel something atleast now. I must probably feel guilty about saying what I had. I was trying so hard to feel something. But then I just ended up shrugging and I almost let out that little laugh. Would you believe it! I was about to laugh after hearing that my friend's sister had just died. Immediately, I tried to bring a sympathetic or emphatetic or whatever expression on my face and consoled him saying " I'm sorry. Really. It must be really hard on you. I hope your parents are ok." I mean. I didn't really know what I should be saying. Then I hugged him and asked him to be strong and something and he left. I still didn't feel anything. I went back to watching TV. I was supposed to be sad and solemn and all. It was weird.
Then I remembered many more such occasions.
Like the other day when my friend came rushing into my room to show some nice piece he'd written. I read it and just smiled and laughed and gave him a few words of appreciation. Oh well. It must have been something like 'Nice piece dude' or ' Hey good. Keep writing' or maybe ' Oh cool! When did you write it?... Oh I see' or something. I'm sure he felt a little disappointed.
Take this for another instance. I had come back to college after a month long vacation and met all my friends. They were so happy they jumped and hugged each other and I could see the genuine happiness. I was smiling, the vague smile which I put on to show that I was also happy, as I was being hugged by everyone.
On an other day my sister was in tears after failing to get through and exam she had prepared for almost two years. I was just standing there not knowing what to feel or make of it, smiling vaguely. God knows why I was smiling at such a moment. But that was exactly what I was doing.
Even on the day my girlfriend broke up with me, all I could manage was the vague smile and laugh. I still remember her saying that I was always like that and that I'd never really loved her. It was like I was just watching myself stand like a rock in front of my girl who was going through an emotional roller-coaster.
I asked myself what sort of a guy I was. I mean, really. I'm sure one could discover more emotions on a stone than on my face. Had I lost the ability to feel or something?! Why was I like this? Am I some vague floating entity in this world where people are alive and feel stuff?! It was like I just didn't have those parts of my brain in place. The parts that make one feel stuff. I should feel bad about not being able to feel! Surely.
I just shrugged and laughed.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
A matter of expression
Every living being on the earth has some means or the other to express itself. As humans we have various ways of expressing ourselves. Being a human myself, let me focus on humans.
A person can share his feelings with others through various modes. For example, speaking, making physical gestures, making eye contact, writing, playing and/or composing music, dancing, the list is endless. Heck, one may communicate his feelings by just being with someone doing nothing at all.
But then, why is it that not everyone can effectively express themselves in all these ways? Some people dance well, some people draw and paint well, some are excellent at music, others at speaking or writing. Is it something that is intrinsic or is it something that the person acquires because of his environment? That is to say, are things like the way he was brought up, the friends he has and everyone he meets and interacts with, where he lived, incidents that happened in his life,etc completely responsible for his being good at a particular mode of expression? Honestly speaking, I am not sure as to what it is.
Yet, I think we're all born as equals and that the deciding factor is the surroundings. Some people criticize this point of view by saying that it can never be verified; because one cannot provide the same environment to two people at the same time. I'd still go with this school of thought because I don't really like the idea of our lives being determined completely by some sort of arrangement of chemicals. I wouldn't like to believe that we're destined at birth to be good at some things and not good at other activities. The destiny theory just gets to me. Big time. There just has to be something else to it.
I recently wrote a post in my blog because I just felt like writing something. One of my close friends read it and told me writing is just not my way of expression. She told me I was impenetrable through the post and that it was extremely formal. Bluntly speaking, it meant that I hadn't written well. I wonder if I'll ever be able to write "well". But again, I wrote it. And I am one who is of the opinion that any activity that a person does can be traced back to the person's state of mind given that one knows certain basic principles of psychology, which I believe apply to almost everyone on this planet. It is something that set me thinking about all this.
Can one can reach any level of ability at a chosen activity by sheer hard-work and determination? Or does one need to "have it in him" to be good at it? I'd choose to think that one can possibly attain a good degree of ability at a given activity, provided one devotes enough time and energy to it. I may be wrong but what's the harm in giving it a go? Here, people tell me that I'll probably end up being mediocre at it and that there is no point in putting in so much effort. But in my opinion, this point of view may lead to disastrous consequences. One may not pursue an activity that one likes simply because of the apprehension that shrouds him as to whether he'll be good at it or not. And there are the matters of interest and want as well.
Heck, if one likes to do something I believe there is absolutely no harm in going ahead with it, even if he's not great at it. Does everyone who writes have to be a Maugham or a Shakespeare or something! Does everyone who plays football have to be a Pele or a Maradona! I believe one should strive to get better at what he likes to do or what he does because it is the only way ahead as I see it. If one is happy doing something, however bad he may be at it, he should go ahead with it keeping in mind that there is always time for improvement. As George Bernard Shaw would like to put it, A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. I sincerely believe in the fact that no one is born a genius.
I don't know if I've conveyed the exact idea that bugs me but I think I've given a decent idea of what it is.
A person can share his feelings with others through various modes. For example, speaking, making physical gestures, making eye contact, writing, playing and/or composing music, dancing, the list is endless. Heck, one may communicate his feelings by just being with someone doing nothing at all.
But then, why is it that not everyone can effectively express themselves in all these ways? Some people dance well, some people draw and paint well, some are excellent at music, others at speaking or writing. Is it something that is intrinsic or is it something that the person acquires because of his environment? That is to say, are things like the way he was brought up, the friends he has and everyone he meets and interacts with, where he lived, incidents that happened in his life,etc completely responsible for his being good at a particular mode of expression? Honestly speaking, I am not sure as to what it is.
Yet, I think we're all born as equals and that the deciding factor is the surroundings. Some people criticize this point of view by saying that it can never be verified; because one cannot provide the same environment to two people at the same time. I'd still go with this school of thought because I don't really like the idea of our lives being determined completely by some sort of arrangement of chemicals. I wouldn't like to believe that we're destined at birth to be good at some things and not good at other activities. The destiny theory just gets to me. Big time. There just has to be something else to it.
I recently wrote a post in my blog because I just felt like writing something. One of my close friends read it and told me writing is just not my way of expression. She told me I was impenetrable through the post and that it was extremely formal. Bluntly speaking, it meant that I hadn't written well. I wonder if I'll ever be able to write "well". But again, I wrote it. And I am one who is of the opinion that any activity that a person does can be traced back to the person's state of mind given that one knows certain basic principles of psychology, which I believe apply to almost everyone on this planet. It is something that set me thinking about all this.
Can one can reach any level of ability at a chosen activity by sheer hard-work and determination? Or does one need to "have it in him" to be good at it? I'd choose to think that one can possibly attain a good degree of ability at a given activity, provided one devotes enough time and energy to it. I may be wrong but what's the harm in giving it a go? Here, people tell me that I'll probably end up being mediocre at it and that there is no point in putting in so much effort. But in my opinion, this point of view may lead to disastrous consequences. One may not pursue an activity that one likes simply because of the apprehension that shrouds him as to whether he'll be good at it or not. And there are the matters of interest and want as well.
Heck, if one likes to do something I believe there is absolutely no harm in going ahead with it, even if he's not great at it. Does everyone who writes have to be a Maugham or a Shakespeare or something! Does everyone who plays football have to be a Pele or a Maradona! I believe one should strive to get better at what he likes to do or what he does because it is the only way ahead as I see it. If one is happy doing something, however bad he may be at it, he should go ahead with it keeping in mind that there is always time for improvement. As George Bernard Shaw would like to put it, A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. I sincerely believe in the fact that no one is born a genius.
I don't know if I've conveyed the exact idea that bugs me but I think I've given a decent idea of what it is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)